False formality

False Formality and (ironically) fear of grammar have caused the four most ridiculous nonsensical misuses of the English language: using "due to" instead of "because of"; the use of the reflexive pronoun "myself" as if it were a more formal version of "me" or "I"; using "speak to" instead of "speak about"; and using nouns like "impact" as verbs.

Language changes; language evolves. Evolution, however, selects for simplification, for clarity and elegance. All the above cases are born from a fear of making a mistake and a fear of being too simple to understand. Rather than having and expressing complex ideas, the artifice of false formality is being used to make ideas seem complicated: "purchase" instead of "buy"; "beverage" instead of "drink."

Something is due to some other thing. Her lateness was due to her lack of care for others (not "She was late due to [sic] her lack of care for others"). Is this a small thing? Of course it is, and it would not matter so much but for the reason: a false sense of formality and/or self aggrandizement.

The nonsense of saying "Michelle and myself perused the aisles for chocolate baked goods" is most clear if you drop the "Michelle and" and read it out loud. Equally "You should submit the report to Hanna or myself by 4:59 Friday afternoon" just makes no sense under even the weakest lens. If it said "I should submit the report to Hanna or myself by 4:59 Friday afternoon" the usage would be proper, but does not make any sense, because I myself would probably give myself until 5:00 (or maybe Monday morning).

I would love to watch somebody speak to an issue—I cannot even imagine what that would look like. I prefer to speak to people (actually plants, but that's beside the point) about things, and why an "issue" cannot be a problem or a difficulty or a current problem I do not know.

Good English verbs are frowned upon (more formality), so instead of changing something, the business world says it "impacts" it. This is the least offensive of the above problems, and is probably quite Shakespearean in its inventiveness (new words excite unless they become trite expressions of one's "business acumen").

There are, of course, others. Do not use the word "comprise" unless you know how, because it does not sound formal it just sounds uppity, and never try and do anything.

As Francophone mothers wring their hands over their language becoming more informal, English in Canada has all but lost its informal lustre: thou, thee, thy, thine, and thyself all having been relegated to the basement of unused archaisms.

Do not be afraid of prepositions or any other good old English words. Start sentences with "but" and "because"—just do it properly. And, for god's sake, do not be afraid of "me"; it never hurt anybody, and you were only corrected when you were a kid because you were using it incorrectly, not because it was not possible to use correctly at all.

(Nothing I have written here has not been noticed by Orwell himself; it has all just irritated me afresh)